This Week’s Sharing Topic

From “Conflict” to “Doing the Greatest Good”

At this morning’s flag-raising ceremony, Feng Bo first shared a small incident he experienced over the weekend.

He takes it on weekends. Fisher A classmate and he were riding together to Hong Kong. In the back seat sat an auntie, apparently folding clothes. Within three minutes, she had bumped into him with her elbow nearly twenty times. On the ride, he said nothing—didn’t turn around, didn’t argue, didn’t accuse—simply and quietly switched seats, sitting down beside Fisher.

Why not say anything? Because saying it wouldn’t change a thing. Everyone has their own sense of where “right” and “wrong” draw the line. You might think, “It’s wrong to bump into someone,” but she could just as easily feel, “So what if I accidentally brushed against you while folding clothes?” If you argue with her about who’s right or wrong, she’ll only see you as making a fuss over nothing. Win the argument, and you’re left with a bitter taste in your mouth; lose it, and you feel even worse. Either way, neither of you ends up happy.

Feng Bo used this incident as a starting point to discuss one topic with the entire student body: communication.

I. The essence of communication lies in responding, not in how much one says.

Feng Bo pointed out that many people fall into a common misconception in communication: they assume that simply speaking constitutes effective communication. In reality, the true value of communication lies in the other person’s response—only when you’ve spoken and the other party has received your message is the exchange truly complete. If you believe you’ve made yourself clear but the other person still doesn’t understand, then the communication has failed.

He illustrated this principle with the phrase, “A map is not the territory.” Each of us carries a mental map of our own; what you consider correct may not hold true for someone else, and their way of thinking, too, has its own rationale. You cannot impose your own map onto others.

Conflict is not a bad thing. Every conflict is a door—through it, we can step inside and glimpse the other person’s world. Differences are the gateway to learning, not a reason for confrontation.

II. Changing behavior alone is ineffective; beliefs are the root.

Feng Bo uses a framework called “logical levels” to explain this. Most people get stuck in the bottom three levels during conflicts: they can only speak in one way, their behavior is characterized by impatience, a stern demeanor, and repetitive, ineffective remarks, and they remain trapped in the immediate situation. Simply changing one’s behavior—such as telling oneself, “Next time, I’ll speak more slowly”—won’t solve the problem, because the underlying beliefs at higher levels remain unchanged. It’s like replacing a light bulb while the wiring is still faulty; sooner or later, trouble will arise again.

He offered a framework: recalibrate your mindset by telling yourself, “The responsibility for communication lies with me.” If the other person doesn’t understand, it’s not because they’re unintelligent—it’s because my approach isn’t effective. Take it one step further and redefine your identity—not as a “victim,” but as someone who can proactively shift perspectives. And look even higher: we’re all part of this school—so is the security guard, too.

You and he are not at odds. You walk out with a scowl, and he stands by the door, also grim‑faced—together, you create an icy atmosphere. If those around you are unhappy, you can never truly be happy yourself. To hurt him is to hurt yourself; to treat him kindly is to treat yourself kindly.

III. Kindness is not weakness; it is the greatest strength.

Feng Bo articulated five principles, describing them as a compass for moving from conflict toward acts of kindness.

First, the meaning of communication lies in the other person’s response; it only counts when they receive it.

Second, a map is not the same as a territory; there is a rationale behind his way of thinking.

Third, every conflict is an opportunity to understand the other person—step into their world and take a look.

Fourth, heaven and earth are born alongside me, and all things are one with me; his joy is also your joy.

Fifth, the greatest good in the world is to make oneself happy while also making others happy.

He said that true kindness isn’t about winning at the other’s expense—it’s about achieving a win-win outcome; it’s not about proving you’re right, but about making both sides feel at ease. Kindness is not weakness; it is the greatest strength, for it can resolve conflict and bring people together.

IV. Start Changing Now

Finally, Feng Bo brought the conversation back to that door. He said, “The security guard is the easiest person you’ll ever have to communicate with in your life. If you can’t even handle him, how will you manage when you’re dealing with French‑speaking clients or colleagues who speak English with an Indian accent?”

Every encounter with the security guard is a lesson in itself. If you choose to turn away with a stern expression now, you’ll likely default to avoidance when faced with challenges later on; but if you learn to change the channel and show respect, you’ll grow into someone strong and resilient.

He advises everyone, when faced with conflict, to pause and ask themselves: “Is what I’m doing now helping to create the future I want?”